Our discipline methods will elicit either a positive or negative response from our children. They are either receptive or reactionary, depending on the situation. 

Children will become defensive if they are threatened verbally or by frightening nonverbals such as our body position, tone, or facial expressions. Children, particularly teens, become defensive when they feel threatened, assaulted, criticized, guilt-tripped, or blamed. The defensive mechanism kicks in after that. This is sometimes the source of power struggles between parents and children. 

Engaging is your greatest bet if you want to receive the best results when it comes to discipline. 

 Getting your children to think works best not just in the short term, but also in the long run. You must first connect with them before you can get them to think. 

 You must identify with their feelings in order to connect with them. How do they feel?  That isn’t condoning; it’s empathizing. Acceptance is not the same as identification. 

 You must understand what they are feeling and why they are feeling that way. If you don’t understand, ask them to name it for you. Until you can NAME it, you can’t TAME it.

Children are more responsive and open to learning when they feel understood. This causes people to relax and ponder. After that, you can rectify and reroute/redirect. Why? You ask whether whatever disciplinary action you use at this point will produce results. This is due to the fact that you are now on the same page. 

 Children are enraged even more by shouting, yelling, threatening, and demanding. It will frighten them, elicit strong emotions, and create a barrier between you two. They merely do what you tell them to please you and get you off their backs. And that I can assure you is no good place to be.  So, engage and not enraged.